Wednesday, September 12, 2012

All the Single Ladies

I've been on this crazy organizing kick ever since we put our house up for sale. On my days off, I try to go through a pile or two of paperwork, then try to get rid of at least one or two things tucked away in a closet that aren't worth moving. Throughout this process of tidying up, I came across some notes about singleness I collected over the years. As I read through them, my heart just smiled and my mind ventured back to all those nights of loneliness and uncertainty. These are the words I clung to that got me through, and I want to share them with you. I feel like women who are newly married only blog about marriage, or women who have 3 kids only blog about their 3 kids. Disclaimer: when we have kids, I'll probably only blog about them too, because I'll be obsessed. Anyway, my goal for this blog is for it to be a place to log the present, but also to remember where we've come from and to praise God for being faithful throughout the journey. So here's a few a ridiculous amount of quotes and Bible verses, from a variety of sources (books listed below), that helped me get where I am today. I added a few of my own thoughts to a few of them, in italics...

  • There is nothing noble the human mind has ever hoped for or dreamed of that will not be fulfilled. One of the greatest strains in life is waiting for God. (God doesn't always fulfill our hearts the way we want, but He ALWAYS fulfills them)
  • A relationship is not meant to make us a whole person; only Jesus can make us a whole person.
  • God has a purpose for the solo season in your life. He uses loneliness to teach complete dependence on Him.
  • God tells us to trust His perfect timing so that we may discover that all the pain found in waiting has a magnificent awesome purpose.
  • Allow God to hold onto your heart; He's not going to turn it over to just anyone.
  • God knows who you will marry and He's capable of leading you to that man someday. (I had to memorize this one...I love the word "capable" here, it sounds so sarcastic, considering He's far more than "capable.")
  • God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.
  • God knows you better than you know yourself...allow Him to pick your spouse.
  • Man and woman were never designed to be each other's source of fulfillment. They were designed to be companions and working partners.
  • Your spouse is probably waiting on the other side of your will meet him when you get on with your life. (Sitting around and pouting about not being with somebody, or, even worse, obsessing over placing yourself somewhere to be with somebody...just be you and do what you love...again, God is capable of leading the right one to you.)
  • It was God that decided Adam needed a mate. And while Adam rest, God went about creating a helper for him, one He knew Adam would like...Adam woke up when God was finished with Eve.
  • God's prescription for rest is His gracious call to stop striving, pushing, straining, overexerting yourself in an area of your life that He never called you to take into your own hands.
  • Nothing won easily is appreciated for very long. When we have to pay a dear price for something or someone, we treasure it always.
  • You don't need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don't have to "help" a guy out because he's "shy." (That being said, I think it's important to put yourself out there. Get involved at work or in your church or play on a softball league...somewhere where you can meet more people and expand your circle. Meet people and allow others to get to know you. Disclaimer: don't change churches or join a particular softball league just to be closer to a particular guy who knows you but hasn't shown interest in you...that's called stalking and there are restraining orders for that...)
  • If he doesn't feel an urgency to know and pursue you, he's not the one for you. Men do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. (Couldn't agree with this more! I can say with confidence that I only ever dated awesome Christian men, but one of the differences between them and my super cool husband was their level of pursuit. The guys before Brett made it clear that they liked me, but most of them didn't go the extra mile. If they said they'd call but then something came up, they'd just talk to me another time. If they asked me out on a date, most of the time they'd say "Meet me there," or, if they came to pick me up, they'd show up and be all like"So...(pause)...uh, what do you...uhh, want to do?" as they stare at their feet and avoid eye contact. But Brett, he always called when he said he would, and his call usually followed a text saying, "Is this a good time for me to call?" He respected my time. When Brett took me on a date, he picked me up, opened my door, and had the evening planned. He would drive an hour, place flowers and a sweet card in my house when he knew I wouldn't be home, then drive an hour home, without ever even seeing me. The boy PURSUED me.)
  • Every man needs to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he misses you. (I'm not saying stop returning his calls for a few days, and see what happens. I'm just saying live your life and let him miss you. After Brett and I met, I had a retreat to lead worship for. I know girls who would have tried to get out of the retreat just to spend time with their significant other, but I went, and I was all in. I focused on the retreat and the people around me, I wasn't texting Brett the entire time I was there and missing out on what was going on around me. And that weekend was so good for us...we knew we hated being away from each other.)
  • If God has spoken to the man in your life and told him that you are the one for him, and he chooses to run away, open the door and let him go. He will be back.
  • God is not interested in blessing anything that divides your heart against Him.
  • Women fall in love and get married. Men decide they want to get married then look for a wife.
  • Jesus Christ is the One who makes us ready for true, lasting, human love. And He is the One that meets our deepest needs when human love falls short.
  • "Cheerfully pleasing God is the main thing, and that's what we aim to do, regardless of our conditions." 2 Corinthians 5:9MSG
  • Just like God, a woman is not a problem to be solved but a vast wonder to be enjoyed. (A personal favorite of mine)
  • Being single and lonely is tough...being married and lonely is tougher. Wait for the right one. (Can I get an AMEN?!)
  • Become the kind of person you want to attract.
Also, here's a list of great books I recommend reading during your singlehood:
  • Authentic Beauty- Leslie Ludy
  • Captivating- John and Stasi Eldredge
  • For Women Only- Shaunti Feldhahn
  • When God Writes your Love Story- Eric and Leslie Ludy
  • Love and Respect- Emerson Eggerichs
  • Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts -Les and Leslie Parrott
I hope this post has encouraged you in some way or another. Remember that everyone in your life that is married now has been single at some point in their life. It's so good to talk to them and ask them questions and learn from their mistakes and take note of what they did right. This season in your life is likely to be short, so soak it in and don't hate me for suggesting you enjoy it as much as you can! It's a sweet season and one day you'll look back and thank God for walking through that precious time of life with you because it will have prepared you so much for God's awesome gift of marriage!

1 comment:

  1. Thanks Kayla for the encouraging (and sometimes hard to hear) words! :)