Tuesday, January 29, 2013

So much to Think About...

I don't think I'd surprise anyone if I said this pregnancy as taken quite the toll on me. Emotionally up to this point, I've done pretty well. Physically, I've been more than exhausted. Feeling sick every day for over 20 weeks can do quite a number on a body. Now that I'm finally seeing a turn around in my health, strength and energy are slowly creeping back in my life. I welcome them both with open arms! 

Something that caught me off guard was how emotionally overwhelmed I started to become the moment my physical health started to become restored. It's safe to say I've been unknowingly basking in the bliss of ignorance during my sickness, not taking the time to think about what life will really look like when our baby gets here. It hit me like a ton of bricks one night and ever since then, it's like there's a brick that falls from the sky and hits me on the head every other day or so. Ohhhh reality, you cruel, cruel friend.

Don't get me wrong. I've spent time thinking about life after baby, even long before I ever became pregnant. I think about the fact that I will be running on less sleep and that we won't be able to just get up and go all the time. Trips to Target will take quite a bit longer and I'll have less time for myself. I get all of this. What stresses me out is deeper...it's the shift in identity.

Now, as a believer in Christ, I realize that my identity should be found in Christ alone. And although I fail daily, I can say with confidence that it really is. Jesus has saved me and continues to complete me every second of the day. I boast in HIM, not in myself. That being said, I'm well aware that one way that God has used me to impact this world is through my job. As a hair stylist, I have the honor of investing in and getting to know so many different people, several times throughout a year. I treasure every conversation and consider it a privilege to be able to be a part of each of their lives. We have all laughed way too hard, shed tears, and had heart to hearts. These women remind me daily that I'm doing exactly what I should be doing. I'm a lucky lady.

I decided to become a hair stylist seven years ago for just  two reasons. I enjoyed doing hair and I wanted to be a mom one day. The freedom in a stylist's schedule was incredibly enticing. So I went for it. And here I am, six years later, struggling to know how to juggle a work schedule and motherhood. It seemed a lot easier on paper. What does a part time working mom look like? How do I even begin to think about narrowing down the number of days I work? How many hours a day should I work? How much time do I want to spend away from my baby? How much do I need to make in order to make it all worth it? How will I have the energy to invest in the lives and hearts of my clients AND my son? Am I putting way too much on my plate? Will it be a lot easier than it seems?

"For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more 
about us than we do ourselves." (1 John 3 MSG)

Let's say that one more time. "For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves."

I love when God puts such appropriate words on my heart. And after I dug a little deeper...

"My dear children, let’s not just talk about love; let’s practice real love. This is the only way we’ll know we’re living truly, living in God’s reality. It’s also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves. And friends, once that’s taken care of and we’re no longer accusing or condemning ourselves, we’re bold and free before God! We’re able to stretch our hands out and receive what we asked for because we’re doing what he said, doing what pleases him. Again, this is God’s command: to believe in his personally named Son, Jesus Christ. He told us to love each other, in line with the original command. As we keep his commands, we live deeply and surely in him, and he lives in us. And this is how we experience his deep and abiding presence in us: by the Spirit he gave us." (1 John 3:18-24 MSG, emphasis mine)

Bottom line: Brett and I have nothing figured out. I have a feeling this will be a year of trial and error. My goals for this year are 1)to seek God and please Him, 2) to grow even closer to Brett and learn how to be a better wife, 3) to love our child with every ounce of my being and to be a good mom to him, and 4) to seek wisdom and discernment in my career and to have peace about our decisions. That, my friends, is all I know to do. Thank you for your patience ;)

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