Thursday, April 25, 2013

Hanging up my Dancing Shoes

"I don't know what You're doing, But I know Who You are." -JJ Heller

There are times in our lives where we dance, and there are times in our lives we sit out. The dancing makes life more joyous and beautiful. But when you are sitting out, it's like time stands still and you watch with envy as everyone else around you enjoys the music.

There was a time in my life where I sat out. For a long time. I was a girl who was surrounded by wonderful friends who met wonderful men who recognized their wonderfulness. One by one, these men got down on one knee and took the hand of their wonderful girl and swept them away into marital bliss. I sat there. I watched it all. And in my heart, I was so happy for them. I didn't want them to sit out with me. I wanted them to dance and love and become beautiful brides. But deep down in my soul, I just wanted to dance.

Lo and behold, there (finally) came a time in my life where I got to showcase my dancing skills. I had every intention of starting off with a slow dance, but this boy was all too great and sure enough before I knew it, we were dancing like crazy all the way down the aisle. I love him a heck of a lot. He has made my life so rich and great and I've never been happier dancing with anyone.

There's a season for everything. All are necessary. Not all are fun. But dancing sure is. I used to think I never wanted to stop dancing. Once it began, I never wanted it to end. 

Never in my life have I felt more anxious to join my friends who were sitting out. And it's not because I'm not happy. It's not because I don't love my life. It's just because I am happy and I love my life.

I've been blessed with a husband who leads me with such strength and gentleness. We have fun together and, I don't's just sweeter with him by my side. A year after we got married, we were surprised by the news of a baby. We bought a bigger house and have made such sweet memories as we prepare to bring our baby home. Here we are, weeks away from meeting our awesome baby boy I couldn't love more if I tried. 

Yet I find myself surrounded by people who are sitting out watching me dance, and my heart aches. Brett and I have been surrounded by couples who have tried and tried to have a baby and nothing has happened. We know couples who finally get pregnant then experience miscarriage. We have seen couples go through pregnancy knowing something is seriously wrong with their child and are dreading the long road ahead of them. Couples who have had beautiful pregnancies then find themselves sitting next to their baby in the NICU begging God to have mercy on them.

We seem to be the only two on the dance floor. You can't blame me for feeling guilty. Don't misunderstand me, I'm thrilled to be here and consider myself incredibly blessed. But tonight...tonight I want to take off my dancing shoes and sit out with my friends.

Life is so unfair. But our God is oh, so good. Resting in that truth tonight.

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