Monday, November 5, 2012

The Day our Lives Changed (Pt. 1)

It was Thursday, September 20, 2012. It was a day like any other...sun was shining, Brett had left for work, and I was heading out to work myself. I remember talking to Mom on my way to work that morning about funny dreams and what our days looked like. I love our morning chats. 

In between clients that morning, I grabbed my phone and looked at my calender. After looking through the last couple of weeks, I realized I was a little late. I thought nothing of it because I had been having problems with cysts this past year, so I shrugged it off and continued on to my next client. On my way home for lunch that day, I thought about the fact that I had been taking cold medicine for the last couple days due to an annoying, lingering cold and cough. Because it's well known most medications are off limits for pregnant women, I decided to just stop at the store on the way home and pick up a test, just to simply rule out the idea of pregnancy and to not feel guilty about taking more meds.

After arriving home, I went to let my dog out and started heating up lunch. I checked my email and turned on the tv. I went to the restroom and took the test. Then I just sat there with zero anticipation and thought about what time I'd have to head back to work for my next client. I remember thinking to myself that I had just drank a 32oz Sprite that morning, and that chances are great that this test could be negative even if I really was pregnant, so I put the extra test in the box in a drawer next to our toilet to use in the morning again just to be sure. Not too long after, I glanced down at the test, saw two lines, and said to myself, "See, nothing to worry about. Not preg...Wait, what?!" My eyes went blurry and I suddenly had no idea how to read these stupid things! Why didn't I just buy one that said "pregnant" or "not pregnant!?" Let's face it, in this state of mind, I wouldn't have understood that kind either.

I sat there in disbelief. I was speechless and just kept looking up praying to God, then looking down saying "Oh there's no way!" After a few minutes of complete shock, Sophie came in begging to go back outside. I took her out, then just stood on our back patio, totally blank in thought. I barely remembered how to hook Sophie up to her chain. Sophie and I came back inside, and I sat in the kitchen and thought, "If you would have asked me an hour ago what pregnant women should or should not eat or do, I could have rattled off a long list. Now that I am, I couldn't even tell you the first step. I'm clueless."

Finally, I thought, "Vitamins! I think I should take some vitamins." By the grace of God I arrived at Kroger in one piece, considering the fact that I have no memory of my drive there. It took a while to find a prenatal vitamin that was gluten free, but I finally found some and went back home. I sat on my bed, feeling quite proud of myself for accomplishing something in such a wacky state of mind. "How did this happen? We were so careful! My whole life just changed! I shouldn't have drank that sprite. I wonder how far along I am. Hopefully I'm really far along so that I'll feel better about the fact that my jeans have been feeling a little tight." 

Ya, I wasn't that far along. The cause of the tight jeans was allllll me. But that's beside the point. According to an online due date calculator, I was 5 weeks 6 days along and was due May 17th. What a strange reality. Many prayers were prayed and many praises rang as my little confused heart pounded faster and faster with anxiety. I remember thinking to myself that false positives are completely unlikely, but I'm going to take that second test just to be sure. One drip later and those little pink lines practically screamed at me, demanding me to face the facts. I looked at my phone and realized I had to go back to work! How am I supposed to focus and work in this state of mind? I work with my sister...I hoped I could hold it in and not tell her because I had to tell Brett first. Oh shoot, I have to tell Brett. How in the heck am I supposed to tell him these words that are so life changing? Crap...

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